How to connect to others with one question [Video]

“How are you doing?” It’s a common question—one that you probably ask at the start of every meeting. And regardless of what’s going on, the answers range from “fine” to “okay” and maybe even “busy.”

However, as Executive Coach Todd Mosetter explains, if you want to be a leader who brings out the best in those around you, it’s time to ask a slightly different question.


Video Transcript


Hi, everyone. My name is Todd Mosetter. I’m the Vice President and Executive Coach here at Building Champions. And I just want to take a moment to say thank you for watching the latest video in our Virtual Coaching Tips series. If you like, what you see or hear, we’d love for you to take a moment to subscribe to our channel, give us a thumbs up on the video. Maybe even share it with someone.


I want to start off with a question today. How are you doing? It’s one of the most common questions that we hear at work and that we ask, and it’s usually accompanied by a pretty common answer. “How are you doing?” “Fine.” “Okay.” “Busy.” “Got a lot going on.”


But if we want to be a leader that truly brings out the best in our people, then maybe it’s time, we thought about asking a different question.


At our heart, we like to think of ourselves as “doing people” that feel, but we know the opposite is so often true. We’re really “feeling people” that do. Our emotions drive so much of what we do. And the past year has caused those emotions to be heightened in new ways.


Our personal and professional lives have collided like never before. And we find ourselves in a very unique season, both politically and socially. So, when we show up for work, when our people show up for work, we’re bringing with them a lot of emotion. Factor in the amount of stress and challenge and anxiety, and those emotions are going to be forefront.


So, if we want to be the kind of teammate that really supports each other, we need to push past just asking about how people are doing. We need to create an environment that shows people that it’s okay to talk about how they’re feeling. One way to start—change the question.


How are you feeling? It’s a different question. That “how are you doing” question? We hear it a lot so it’s easy to give a quick answer. And it usually focuses on what we’re doing. The how we’re feeling question? We don’t hear it quite as often. And it causes us to pause for a moment. And we think, “how are we feeling?” It shows people that it’s okay to talk about how they’re feeling. And when we do, we can be our more authentic selves.


At work, it’s easy to push those things aside like they don’t matter. But they do. At Building Champions, we say “better humans make better leaders.” So, when we’re able to show up and be our authentic selves, connect with the people around us, then we can do our best work. And being honest about how we’re feeling is a key part to connecting. We need to show people that it’s okay to talk about them.


So, when you ask the question, be prepared for the answer, and don’t just push past it. If you want to be a different type of leader, ask a different type of question, I’d encourage you to give it a try today. I think you’ll be amazed at the difference it can make for you, your people, and the work that you get to do together.


I hope you have a chance to use it today. And I hope to hear how are you feeling.


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