Gaslighting in the Workplace: 4 Steps to Leading Yourself Out of It
Have you ever been told you’ve missed a deadline when you, in fact, remember sharing or uploading the file? Have you ever felt like a failure at work even though your annual review indicates otherwise? Or have you ever felt self-doubt take over and limit you from doing your best work?
Well, if you answer, “Yes” to the above questions, then you may very well be experiencing gaslighting in the workplace. Gaslighting occurs in relational dynamics when someone begins manipulating another—and it’s not excluded from the office. In this blog post, we’ll share four steps to lead yourself through and out of gaslighting in the workplace.
What is Gaslighting in the Workplace?
Gaslighting: Merriam Webster’s 2022 word of the year, increasing in lookups 1,740% from the year prior. But it’s not a new term. In fact, the word comes from a play called Gas Light written by Patrick Hamilton in the 1930s. The main theme of this play is how a man deliberately and methodically attempts to drive his wife insane with one of his tactics being to slowly dim the lights and tell her she’s imagining things when she asks about it. Hence, gaslighting.
So how do you know if you are experiencing gaslighting in the workplace? Well, it’s important to first understand the symptoms associated with the term. Most often, you might feel confused and invalidated. You may begin to think you can’t do anything right. And you might start apologizing too much—for things you didn’t do or things that don’t warrant an apology. If your self-confidence begins significantly dropping that may be another key indicator. Imposter syndrome can creep in and you may feel the opposite of psychological safety during your workday. If you begin feeling this way, don’t dismiss it. You can proactively understand gaslighting now so that if it occurs, you can lead yourself through it and out of it.
4 Steps to Lead Yourself Through Gaslighting in the Workplace
Know Yourself
If you’ve done the work to understand yourself, what your typical emotional responses and emotional triggers are, then it’ll be harder for someone to either unintentionally or intentionally manipulate you. As a leader, it’s imperative that you have a healthy view of yourself and others. Whatever you think and believe about yourself often creeps into your thinking about others. So take some time to get your thinking in a healthy space. And determine your convictions surrounding how you show up in your work. If you are sure of your convictions, then you’ll be less likely to be swayed from them—and less easily gaslit.
Get a Sounding Board
One of the many symptoms that comes from experiencing gaslighting is confusion. That sort of manipulation can challenge your view of yourself and negatively impact your confidence. That’s why it’s important to have safe and trusted people in your life who can speak truth to you and help you determine when you are indeed experiencing gaslighting. A coach can be a great sounding board, offering an outside perspective to whatever workplace situation you find yourself wading through. You don’t have to go life or leadership alone.
Set Boundaries
Protect your well-being. In an earlier blog post, we outlined six ways to set boundaries at work, including: say no, stick to work hours, block your time, set expectations for response times, speak up and take time off. And these recommendations are all relevant to healthy boundary setting to protect yourself against gaslighting. Show yourself respect by establishing healthy boundaries in the workplace. It’s not selfish; it’s healthy self-leadership. If you’re respecting the boundaries you’ve established, then it’ll be pretty noticeable when someone oversteps them, and you’ll be able to understand what’s happening sooner rather than later.
Document
If you do indeed find yourself experiencing gaslighting in the workplace, whether it’s from a colleague or a manager, it’s important to document what is happening. Make notes of unusual or confusing instances. This will help you notice a pattern if you find yourself caught in a gaslighter’s web. You can share the information with your manager (if they are not the gaslighter) and also with your coach (a trusted outsider) so they can best help you discern what’s going on. And don’t hesitate to turn to HR, that’s what they are there for.
Gaslighting can feel scary, invalidating and confusing. We encourage you to put the work in now to protect yourself against gaslighting in the workplace by establishing your convictions, setting your boundaries and overall leading yourself well. And we all need someone we trust to help us navigate confusing situations, so if you don’t yet have a coach, look into what we offer. Our team of coaches have walked alongside leaders just like you—helping them to grow in their self- leadership, their team leadership and their organizational leadership. Learn more today.
