You Can Choose Your Mindset
In November of 2021, after a lovely evening out with friends, my husband and I came home and made our way to bed, happy to cozy in on such a blusterous, rainy night. An hour later, we were startled from sleep by what felt like an intense, powerful earthquake. The house had shaken to its very core. Though somewhat shaky ourselves, we made our way downstairs only to see shattered glass everywhere, large pieces of insulation, tree branches, broken pieces of furniture strewn throughout our main living area. Rain was pouring in sideways through destroyed walls and windows. The police were banging on our door. We turned to look at our big picture window and could hardly take in the sight. A dark grey Toyota Corolla. Driven right through it. We learned quickly it was a drunk driver missing a turn in the road, and finding his way through the side of our house. The damage was extensive, and it took eight months to put our home back together.
Three months later, a second drunk driver came soaring through our property. This time, it was landscaping only. The car took out 15 tall cypress trees that line our driveway, along with damaging the stone wall that gave accent to the trees.
Both drivers had their air bags deploy. Both drivers walked away without a scratch.
These are the facts. And facts, in and of themselves, are neutral. The meaning I attach to these facts is an entirely different situation! What I think and feel and believe about the facts will determine the story I tell about what happened and how it affects my world.
There’s a gamut of stories I could author. With a negative mindset, on one end of the spectrum, I would write a narrative built solely on a foundation of fear. Every thought would tell me that we lack complete safety living here. Someone could’ve been killed. Both times! I fuel and foster anger toward both drivers who caused us so much damage, while they got to simply walk away. Their choices. Our consequences. Our clean up. Some of that clean up included two walls of my beautiful home office being taken out as part of the wreckage in the first incident. Then, there were the many months of aggravating inconvenience, to put it ever so mildly, where we needed to either leave or live here with walls taken down to the studs, while the cold winter air seeped in. It all felt so violating, and now that it’s happened twice, I wonder if we are forever exposed.
This negative narrative is easy for any of us to write. We can so easily fall into believing every fearful, blaming, and angry thought we have. We lean into our natural bent toward fear. Fear beguiles us. It draws us in and spirals us down until we begin to anchor ourselves and live in the story that fear creates within us. We become consumed and attached to every thought and feeling it feeds us. And before we know it, we’re living with anger and resentment over past events; with anxiety and apprehension for a future that may never come to pass. Our present moments are robbed of joy as our inner world creates an unsafe outer world, and this becomes the lens through which we experience our lives.
On the other end of the spectrum, there is a mindset that offers a positive narrative. The positive narrative requires mental fortitude, focus, and courage. It’s the steeper path. And like most steep paths, the work is hard, often grueling, but carries with it a reward that is far beyond what we could think or imagine at the time.
This positive mindset is the path I chose. But make no mistake, I had days where I wrestled to get there and stay there. I had to allow myself to feel deeply all the negative feelings, let them pass through me, choose to stop the spiral, and let them go before any real attachment to them could take shape. It took intentional effort and a keen awareness of the thoughts and feelings passing through me, until it became natural and easy to lean into the joy and the learnings of the entire experience.
It started with a mindset of gratitude. In both situations, no one was hurt. The first time it happened, we had walked past that picture window only an hour before the driver crashed through it. All that I love is safe. For me, that’s gratitude on steroids.
For many months, friends and family poured into us. We had beautiful places to stay during the parts of construction when we needed to be out of our home. Our contractor was a blessing to us in countless ways and made us laugh every single day. Space heaters and warm blankets became great comfort to me as I stepped into my office to work each day. The city worked with us to fix the lack of safety in the road, securing protection for us and our neighbors.
I also feel gratitude that both drivers walked away unharmed—physically anyway. I can only imagine the internal narratives that brought them to this place. Certainly, neither of them simply walked away. I feel deep compassion for them both because I know in my own humanity, however different the story may be, I too have written internal narratives that brought me to dark places in my life. In this way, each of our stories is all our stories.
If we understood the power of our words, the power of every negative thought we latch onto and believe, we would consider differently the words we say, the thoughts we tend to, and the stories we tell ourselves about the circumstances of our lives.
We have rounded the corner into 2023 in a world overflowing with volatility and uncertainty. Each of us has the power and the privilege to write any story we choose about what’s happening in our lives.
I’ve shared with you two very different narratives I could’ve chosen and painted a picture of two very different worlds each would create. We all get to choose. Author or victim. Gratitude or fear.
We have entered a new year. Consider your mindset. Examine what you author. And ask yourself what story you dare to write and anchor into for 2023.