5 Steps for Implementing Boundaries

Do you find yourself saying yes to people, tasks, or events that you actually want to say no to? How often do you agree to something out of guilt or obligation? Do you give too much time and attention to people that want it without much leftover for those few in your life who actually need it?

If you answered yes to any or all the above, then it’s time to learn how to set and maintain boundaries. It can be difficult to even know where to begin when implementing boundaries which is why we’ve identified five steps to help you. In this article, we explain why boundaries are vital in life and leadership, and the five steps needed to help you create them.

Defining Boundaries

Boundaries can look different for all of us—which is why it’s important to identify and communicate your boundary lines to others. Even someone with the highest level of EQ (emotional intelligence) can’t read your mind, so if you want healthy relationships both at work and at home, then you’ve got to define and communicate your boundaries. At Building Champions, we often quote our friends Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend on their book Boundaries. They say that when defining a boundary, it’s helpful to remember that we are responsible to others and for ourselves—not the other way around. You are responsible to others by showing them respect and care and helping them when their burden is too big for them to carry alone. But you shouldn’t be owning tasks (or emotions) that are someone else’s to carry because not only could you be burning yourself out (or building up resentment), you might also be hindering someone else’s growth. And when you take responsibility for yourself, then you can create healthy boundary lines to equip yourself to be your best and give your best to those you love, lead, and serve.

5 Steps for Implementing Boundaries

1. Identify what needs protecting. You can’t draw a boundary line until you know what it is you need to protect. And “protect” can seem like a strong word, but sometimes it’s our energy or peace of mind that needs protecting. So, it’s important to first understand yourself, your priorities, values, convictions—and also where you derive your energy. It can take some deep work to get real with yourself about what you need and want both in your life and from your life, but once you do, it becomes a whole lot easier to lead yourself in a way that helps you maintain your health and well-being. And when you’re leading and living from a place of health, then the results will follow. (Side note: We’ve got a free Life Plan to help.)

2. Establish boundary lines. Once you’ve identified what it is you need to protect, then you can draw a boundary line around it. And since we can’t always draw physical boundary lines (for social, emotional, or spiritual needs), then the need to develop routines and disciplines comes into play. For example, if you need to get at least seven hours of sleep to function at your best, then you need to go to bed at a certain time. And if you know that consuming sugar negatively affects your sleep, then you need to say no to that treat offered to you after dinner, even if you think it might hurt the feelings of the person offering. For you, this is a boundary line around a physical need, but it gets messy when your boundary line is confronted by someone else’s emotional or social response. But that doesn’t mean you should move your boundary line; it just means that clear communication is needed.

3. Communicate your boundaries. Once you’ve successfully implemented disciplines and established healthy routines to help you protect the things you’ve identified as important, then you can better communicate your boundaries to others. Your words hold power; and “no” is an appropriate word to employ. You can politely inform someone when they’ve crossed a boundary line because more than often, they didn’t mean to cross it. Your boundary lines might look different than their boundary lines, so always assume positive intent. But you don’t have to overshare. Just because someone doesn’t understand why you’ve established a certain boundary doesn’t mean that you owe them your reasoning. If the relationship is safe and trusted, then you might consider sharing the logic or need behind your conviction with them, but you don’t owe them that information—you can also set boundaries around what you share verbally with others.

4. Honor your boundaries. It’s hard when someone pushes back against your stated boundary, but that’s when conflict resolution skills are helpful. And just because someone doesn’t get why you’re saying no or setting a boundary, doesn’t mean that you should change your mind or let them cross it. If you’ve established a boundary line around a conviction that you hold, then you shouldn’t let anyone convince you to tear it down. You are responsible for yourself. You are in control of you. Don’t give someone else control over you just because they ask. Honor your convictions and protect your boundaries—even in the face of conflict. And remember, conflict doesn’t have to be negative. When done well, conflict can actually be healthy for a relationship.

5. Enforce your boundaries. Stay disciplined. Just as you’ll likely experience conflict with others who don’t understand or want to cross your boundaries, you’ll likely experience conflict within yourself too. Sometimes our boundaries will feel too difficult to maintain, but if they’re born of an identified conviction then you must honor them for yourself. Lead yourself well by staying true to your convictions. You don’t want to constantly cross your own boundary lines and then expect other people to respect them.

Setting and maintaining boundaries can be truly difficult work—but it’s incredibly rewarding too. Ironically, boundaries offer great freedom because when you are protecting what matters most, then you’ll be better equipped to live and lead in a way that not only helps you but also those around you. And if you’d like some help identifying, establishing, and honoring your boundaries so that you can be the best you can be, we’d love to work with you. Sometimes healthy boundary setting starts with accountability and support from a trusted guide—and that’s where we come in. Learn more about our Leadership Coaching offering below.