How to Increase Your Conflict Resolution Skills
For many of us, conflict is something to avoid. It’s uncomfortable and can even feel a bit scary if we don’t know how to navigate through it well. But there’s a cost to being conflict avoidant—and it’s usually the price of our own social well-being. To maintain relational health, we must learn to face conflict in a healthy manner because conflict isn’t necessarily bad, in fact, it might even be beneficial for a relationship.
In this article, we share three skills to master for effective conflict resolution so that you can find the opportunity in conflict and lead yourself well both in and through it.
3 Skills to Master for Effective Conflict Resolution
Separate the person from the problem. When we’re frustrated (or even angry) about a situation, it’s normal to want to attach a name to the problem, but blame is rarely productive. In fact, expending emotional energy to find fault is quite often a waste of time because it distracts from solving the actual problem. We all make mistakes, so instead of seeing someone’s failure as a defining quality, you can choose to show grace and work with them toward a solution. And it is a choice to move past and through a problem—an outcome of a healthy leadership mindset. When we accept that failure and mistakes are an inevitable part of the human condition, we can see problems for what they are: opportunities for growth. And when you are able to set aside negative emotion and logically tackle a problem, you’ll be better equipped to solve it and lead others through it.
Assume positive intent. When someone makes a mistake resulting in big consequences, it can be easy to let our emotions get the best of us. But we must engage our emotional intelligence (EQ or EI) to help us stay level-headed and lead through conflict. Likely, the error was made accidentally, so always assume positive intent first. If someone made a mistake and already feels badly about it, nothing productive will come from making them feel worse. Don’t assume the mistake was made from ill intention but seek first to understand the circumstances that led to the outcome. In doing so, you’ll be better able to see their perspective and then coach them toward a solution. This will not only help them learn for the future, but also help you navigate conflict in a way that fosters growth. If intentions weren’t pure, that will eventually come to light, and you can deal with that then. Remember, belief in someone is powerful. Show them that you trust them and believe the best in them even during conflict, and they’ll most likely give you their best and trust you in return.
Welcome new thinking. Conflict born of differing opinions is actually a gift. You can learn so much from someone who thinks differently from you—but you must be open in the conversation. You don’t have to change your opinion, but you very well might once you hear about the experiences that shaped another person’s point of view. And when you keep emotions regulated and active listening employed, what began as a contentious conversation can become an informative dialogue. So, next time you experience conflict, take a moment to pause, take a breath, and deescalate your emotions. Then, show intentional curiosity and truly listen to the other person. Their perspective might be vastly different from yours, but you may still be able to reach common ground. Compromise may come into play, but if the conversation is one where both parties feel heard, it’s much easier to collaborate toward a resolution.
These skills are sometimes easier to talk about than to adopt. And that’s why our team of coaches love working with leaders to help them strengthen their conflict resolution skills—because we know how important it is for leaders to navigate conflict in a healthy and productive manner. So, if you’re interested in strengthening your own conflict resolution skills, we’d love to help. Reach out for a free 30-minute consultation so we can learn more about the challenge you’re facing and offer the best solution to fit your needs. And meanwhile, check out our Leadership Coaching program as we’ve helped countless leaders strengthen their emotional intelligence, improve their decision-making, and increase their influence.